therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
