Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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