Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
