There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
