yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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