wat bout pragnant strippers??
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
