24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
