He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So much rum. So many feels.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize