So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
