I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
