Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
