You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
