why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
