party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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