What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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