You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
