I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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