Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
