I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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