That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
