I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
