billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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