Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
