a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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