you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
