Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I understand Curling. That high.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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