College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
