Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize