His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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