I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
3pm strippers are depressing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize