When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
