best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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