I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
