I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
