k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize