so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
