Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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