Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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