Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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