Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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