My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
