If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
