If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
