I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize