i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
