My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
