Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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