Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Let's get the cat blown out
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
