Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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