I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize