You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
