Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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