is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
