I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
