Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
