Plan B is the new Plan A
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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