She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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