Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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