is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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