On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
