Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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