If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is wine microwaveable?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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