This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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