If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
