We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
