exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
