Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
