Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
