ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need to align my fucking chakras
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
