is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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