I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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