Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
