if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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