I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
