someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
