We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
