I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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