just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
