I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
