sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
