Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
