Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
