Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and you said cock pushups were impossible
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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