Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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