Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
