Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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