Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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