I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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