Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
