Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
