Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
