Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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