See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
