why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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