Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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