he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize