yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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