I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
