I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize