Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
