After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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