I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
