Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
