just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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