my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
two words...techno handjob
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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