Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
