just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
