I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
