just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize