I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
