so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
