She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
no, he came in my armpit
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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