he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
