make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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