dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
